Marriage, Champagne and Struggle
"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah." Thank you, Princess Bride.
Ahhhhh, marriage. Is there a more complex relationship than when two people decide to choose life with one another for the rest of their lives? The height of the highs and the depth of the lows are impressive to say the least. I'll never forget a boudoir client I shot a few years ago. She came in to do a session as an anniversary gift for her husband. One of her props was some seriously gorgeous crystal Waterford champagne flutes she wanted to incorporate in a shot or two.
Me: "These are stunning!"
Her: "Yeah, they were our wedding glasses. And they're strong too! I once hurled that Waterford across our backyard and into the fence."
If that's not an accurate picture of marriage, I don't know what is. One minute, it's laughing, dancing and toasting champagne and the next you're hurling those flutes into a fence.
My husband and I have recently come out of one of the toughest seasons of our marriage. For a good two years we sought counseling separately and worked hard on ourselves. We both had issues that did a horribly toxic dance and required a lot of effort on both of our parts to correct. But the good news is we worked through it and now I can honestly say I'm more in love with him than I've ever been. (I'm laughing at how trite that sounds, but it is true!) Our love isn't the bullshit romcom, fleeting love where everyone always says the perfect thing at the perfect time as if they are going to break into song at any moment. No, ours is the strong, intense love that has been built. Crafted. Finessed. Brick by brick. Blood, sweat and tears. The type of love where we decided to choose one another on our worst days, not our best. And there's something about the love we're experiencing for one another now that is so much deeper, weighter and truer than at any other time in our marriage.
Maybe your marriage is struggling. If so, I get it. That shit is hard. I have clients that have had a boudoir session after getting divorced because they just need to connect to their sexuality as a single woman. Or after being cheated on because they need to see tangible evidence that they are beautiful. Maybe your marriage is blossoming-I get that too! I have clients that come to celebrate anniversary milestones or have a shoot to surprise their partners "just because". And lately, I've had a ton of men booking shoots for their wives, which is an awesome way to let her know that you definitely want these images of her. Plus, getting to select lingerie and enjoy planning the experience together adds a whole additional element of excitement.
Life is full of seasons. Mountains and valleys. Highs and lows. I know my darkest days have paved the way for the most substantial, positive change and growth in who I am as a person. And my brightest days keep me remembering how sweet life really is and give me a reason to keep fighting. Whether you're toasting or hurling those champagne flutes, know you aren't alone. Life is a gift. A wonderful, tragic, exhilarating, exhausting, beautiful, heavy gift.