The Power of Micro-Pleasure
I think I stumbled upon a pretty big secret. And I think it could change your life if I share it with you. It certainly has mine.
Now, I'm not talking about being intimate with someone-it's not that type of pleasure (this time, lol!) I'm talking about pleasure in a much more basic, but even more enhancing way. As many of you know, I dedicated 2022 to falling in love with myself after my divorce and literally thought of it as a romance. I tried to imagine how I would treat someone I was falling madly, epically in love with and did those things with myself.
Would I buy them special treats? Yes! Would I book exotic locations to experience with them? Yes! Would I get dolled up in my hottest outfits for them? Yes! Would I sacrifice sleep to catch the sunrise? Would I make sure to give them great care if they needed physical or emotional support? Would I put a significant amount of my time, energy, money, and resources toward loving them? YES YES and double YES. I did those things for my ex-husband all the time. And it was time to do them for me.
So, I spent 2022 basking in the glow of my love. I took myself to Michelin starred dinners. I did a 100 day trip to 14 countries and 3 continents. I got my own boudoir session done in DC. Bought my first pair of Louboutins. And, yes, that is extravagant and took a lot of money, but that wasn't what changed me.
Even more than the extravagant experiences I had, the thing that seems to be sticking were the small ways, the DAILY ways I loved myself. And in that I looked everywhere for where I could add what I now call, micro-pleasures. What's a micro-pleasure? It's adding pleasure in the smallest, measurable units all over your life. Almost like a sprinkling of confetti. In every act there is a way to make it more pleasurable.
Have to draft an email you're dreading? What if you make yourself your favorite coffee, sit in your favorite chair outside, with your favorite blanket and fix yourself your favorite snack to enjoy as you're writing it? Will you still dread the email? Of course! But the *act* of honoring yourself by making yourself more comfortable when you have to do something you don't like mirrors trust, affection and respect back to your own heart. And it should and will inconvenience you. Slightly. Meaning, if my favorite coffee takes more time, I do it anyway. And you actually WANT that extra step, because it's in the effort to do those things that we feel the love of the act itself. And that, my dears, is how we fall in love.
And it's not just for mundane or dreaded tasks either. Not at all!!! Sometimes the thing I love the most is to take something pleasurable and challenge myself to make it even better. You are excited to take a bath? That's already pleasurable in itself. But what if you light a candle and turn off the lights? And play your favorite playlist? While drinking a glass of wine or tea? And smelling a lavender bath oil? The difference between taking a normal bath and the spa-like experience I laid out is literally just a few minutes and a few extra steps. And, as you can see, I've gotten pretty good at coming up with ideas to make things more pleasurable. Pro tip: If you can't think of anything, think of the 5 senses (sight, taste, touch, smell, and sound.)
In the same way that people think a boudoir session is too scary and don't realize the impact it can have on your life to see yourself as beautiful, we often think we're too busy for such frivolity. But what I'm finding is that it's now a habit. So that even on my worst days, I naturally still find myself looking for subtle ways to enhance my pleasure and to enjoy as much beauty as I can. And if you can have access to joy that is no longer completely connected to your circumstances, that's pretty revelatory. Plus, it's FUN!! You can get as playful and creative as you want-and we definitely need more play and creativity in our lives. I hope you all put this into practice and definitely let me know how it goes! And, as always, if you want to do a boudoir session to test out some of this theory, don't hesitate to reach out! <3
