Self-Love vs Self-Care
Self-care and self-love are two terms that get thrown around quite a bit today. I love that we've turned our attention toward how we treat ourselves, but I think making the distinction between the two is important.
How can you tell if someone is well cared for? Someone who is well cared for has all of their needs met. Which means they're physically, mentally and emotionally cared for. Physically, they are clean. They have clothes and shoes to wear. They are well-fed and well-hydrated. They are well-rested. Mentally, they are stimulated. They have tasks to do daily and things they get to contribute to. They have opportunities for their brain to stretch, whether through learning, exploring or growing. Emotionally, they are supported. They have people in their lives who love, value and spend time with them. They have a community they belong to.
How can you tell if someone is well-loved? This is trickier, but I do think there are tells for people who are well-loved. When they are around the person who loves them, they are free. They aren't concerned with their image to that other person because they're already loved. They're safe. Secure to show up as they are. So they may laugh louder without trying to cover their mouth with that person. Or share their opinion freely without worrying that they may offend. There is real license to be their whole self.
You can also see it when they interact with others. People who are well loved come to the table with their cup already full. So they aren't trying to get anything from you in your interaction. They don't need you to validate them, they already know they're valid. Which means, they can have discussions that are tense, but freely share and listen equally, without trying to get any additional validation from you. These people usually give other people the feeling they can be themselves. It really is a beautifully, catching thing.
Now, what if we turned that inward? That would mean that self-care is having your internal needs met physically, mentally, and emotionally. So taking the bubble bath, drinking water, getting therapy, investing in healthy relationships, learning a new skill, meditating...all of those are going to add value towards our internal needs. But self-love is how you actually view yourself and how much value you then place on yourself from that viewpoint. Self-love is being able to laugh off a mistake because you know you didn't mean to do it. Or having the confidence to try something scary because you believe you can do hard things. And even if you do fail at trying something new, it doesn’t have an impact on the worth you place on your soul. It means that all of your feelings deserve a seat at the table. And you feeling sad/overwhelmed/anxious doesn't make you a less valuable person. It's viewing yourself the same way you would view a best friend. With kindness, grace, clarity and expecting the best.
I think that's one of the reasons I love boudoir so much. It is a way to love yourself through self-care and self-love. It is self-care to take an afternoon to get pampered and feel beautiful. To take stunning images that you get to enjoy. But it can also have an impact on your self-love. It can help change the way you view yourself-even if it's just shifting the needle a little. Even if you just go from "I hate my legs" to "ya know, my legs aren't so bad." Those shifts matter. In a world where so much is available at our fingertips, pursuing loving who you are is the most important journey you can go on. Life is too short to spend it with someone you don't like and if you don't like yourself, it's probably because you don't know yourself well enough just yet. Because, I promise you, you are amazing.